


You Lost the Love I Loved the Most

by DarkJediQueen



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicide, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 19:06:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18267554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkJediQueen/pseuds/DarkJediQueen
Summary: It was the moment of clarity where you realize that you had trusted your child and it had ruined something that could have been wonderful.





	You Lost the Love I Loved the Most

**Author's Note:**

> **Year** : 2014/2015 (Season 10) Forward  
>  **Spoilers** : Up Through Season 12  
>  **Notes** : While writing this I heard Jar of Hearts for the thousandth time so it stuck.  
>  **Beta** : Grammarly

Aaron Hotchner sighed as he entered his house, recently bought just on the chance that he and Spencer could go that step further and move in together. Aaron had not asked Spencer or broached the subject with him yet. Aaron had asked Jack though, and it seemed like Jack was onboard with it. In fact, Aaron had worked that day, and Spencer hadn't, using a vacation day that he was getting ready to lose. Aaron had thought it was a good way for them to get used to being in the same place without Aaron around. 

Jack was sitting on the couch, hunched over and the hairs on Aaron's neck started to stand up because that wasn't a pose that Jack took on that much. Aaron frowned and set his briefcase in his office quickly. He took off his jacket and hung it up and removed his tie, tossing that on his desk. He worked on his sleeves as he exited the office to figure out what was upsetting jack. 

Aaron stopped in his tracks as Jack looked up at him, a very impressive black eye forming on his face. Jack had an ice pack in his hand. He looked like he was scared and had been crying. 

"Jack, what happened?" 

"Nothing. I just had an accident." 

That unsettled Aaron because Jack usually told Aaron every single detail on everything that hurt him. Including the time that he got seven paper cuts on his hand while working on a project at the school in art class. Jack had gone into detail on exactly how he had got each one of them.

"Jack," Aaron said, and the fear deepened in his son's eyes. Aaron had never seen fear like that on his face ever. 

"I don't want you to get mad," Jack cried out, and he buried his face in his hands. 

"I won't get mad, Jack." Aaron sat down beside Jack on the couch and laid his hand between Jack's shoulder blades. 

"I made Spencer mad with questions. I said something, and he told me to leave, and I guess..." Jack trailed off and looked at Aaron with fear in his eyes again. 

Aaron didn't miss what Jack was meaning, but he needed to hear it. Aaron's blood was boiling though. Hitting a child like that was something that just wasn't done. Even when drunk, Aaron's mother had never done anything like it. Aaron's father, on the other hand, was a lot worse but he at least kept his shit to areas that no one else could see. 

"Did Spencer do this?" Aaron asked, waving a finger at Jack's eye. Jack deflated and nodded his head, not looking Aaron in the eye.

"Go to your room and lock the door. I'll talk to Spencer, and he'll not be around anymore." Aaron could barely think for the anger in him.

Jack meekly walked off toward the steps, and he looked unsure about going up. Aaron stood up and went up the steps first, making sure that the coast was clear so that Jack could get into his room without Spencer talking to him. After Jack's door was shut and locked, Aaron walked to the study. It was technically supposed to be Aaron's office, but Aaron had liked a room on the first floor, so instead, he had turned it into a study. Aaron had hoped Spencer would turn it into whatever he wanted when he moved in. That wasn't going to happen. Aaron didn't want Spencer around anymore. He couldn't get him off the team without something else happening. Aaron was tempted to make that happen. He could call the cops and get Spencer arrested. He was an adult, and Jack was a child. Aaron wasn't sure that Jack would be up for that though, but the statute of limitations was open, and Aaron would ask him in a few days. 

Spencer was sitting in the large armchair in the corner, the sun highlighting his hair and face. He looked like an angel instead of the devil that he was. 

"Welcome home," Spencer said with a smile on his face. He looked so happy to see Aaron that Aaron's heart jumped at the smile that Aaron had only ever seen given to him. It was a good cover to make Aaron doubt what Jack had told him. If Aaron were a lesser man, he would believe Spencer over Jack, but Aaron's own childhood had been wrought with people who believed the adult over the child who had been abused. Aaron saw it too much in his work to believe Spencer over Jack. 

"So what all went on today?"

"Jack and I played a few games on his Xbox this morning and then it was lunch. We ate, and he went across the street to play with the boy there. I think he got home a few minutes ago. You told him what time you would be home though so I'm not shocked at that." 

"Nothing else interesting happened?"

"No." Spencer looked at Aaron with a questioning look on his face. "Aaron, what's wrong?"

"Jack has a black eye." 

The look of utter shock on Spencer's face was good. Aaron almost believed him. 

"He says that you gave it to him."

"What?" Spencer stood up, the book in his lap falling to the floor. It was all a perfect bit of acting because never let looks fall to the ground. He had hours though to figure out what he needed to do to make Aaron believe him. It was so perfect that it had to be false, just like their whole relationship. "That's impossible. I've not touched Jack all day long. He's only been home a little while. Maybe he got it at his friend's house and is scared of telling you that."

"Jack has no reason to fear me and my reaction to a boy being a boy and getting a black eye. He's scared, and the only reason he has to be scared is you. I want you out of my house, and I don't want you to ever return again."

"I have never lied to you, Aaron. I have not touched him." Spencer was looking at him with such pleading in his eyes, but Aaron wasn't going to be swayed. 

"Jack has never lied to me, but you have." 

"When have I lied to you?"

"Dilaudid."

The pain that crossed Spencer's face at that word was precisely what Aaron wanted. He wanted Spencer to hurt as much as he did. He had loved Spencer, but that love was gone in the rush of figuring out that Spencer was someone who would hit a child. Not just any child but Aaron's, who Spencer knew Aaron loved more than anything else in the world. 

"You really want to use that? When I was addicted to a drug and use it as the fact that I have lied to you?"

"Yes. Now get your stuff packed up, get the hell out of my house, and stay away from Jack. I don't ever want you to look at him again." Aaron pointed to the door and waited for Spencer to start to move or fight him. Aaron wasn't above calling the cops to get him out of the house. He wasn't shocked that it took a few seconds for the words to make their way into Spencer's brain. Spencer probably didn't think that Aaron would end the relationship over this. Spencer should have remembered that Aaron would always choose Jack over anything else.

"We need to talk about this." 

"There is nothing to talk about." Aaron didn't want to allow Spencer to try and twist Jack's words. Spencer was good at that. "Other than work we have nothing to talk about ever again."

Aaron followed Spencer into the bedroom where he packed up the clothes that he had just unpacked recently into the drawers that Aaron had emptied out for him. Spencer didn't touch the few things that Aaron had bought for him. Shirts or ties that reminded Aaron of his lover. Or the book that Aaron had bought him for their second anniversary. He didn't even grab the bookmark that was a strip of pictures from one of those funny photo booths of the three of them. Aaron had his own copy and so didn't Jack. The only thing that Spencer did was lay his hand on the book. Aaron felt a twinge of pain in his heart at the look of utter loss on Spencer's face, but he didn't care. Spencer threw everything into the go-bag he had brought it all over in that had laid empty at the bottom of Aaron's closet with Aaron's empty bags. The bathroom took seconds. He just had a spare pair of glasses as well as his contacts and a few hair care products. He used Aaron's shower supplies as well as his toothpaste. 

Spencer exited the bathroom and looked at Aaron. It was like Spencer didn't know Aaron at all, the look on his face. Aaron didn't say a thing at all. After a few seconds, Spencer exited the bedroom. He stopped at Jack's door and looked at it. Aaron was about to tell him not to say a single word to Jack when Spencer shouldered his bag and walked down the stairs. Aaron stayed at the top of the steps as he heard Spencer going to his messenger bag on the coat rack inside the door. A few seconds later, Spencer was back in his line of sight. He dropped the key to the house on the bottom step. There were no more words. Spencer just left. Aaron went right to the door and reprogrammed the alarm with a new code before he walked back and picked up the key. 

Aaron had a lot to do. He needed to call a locksmith and have the locks rekeyed. He didn't want to leave to get new locks, and it would be less work on Aaron's part to just have someone rekey them. There wasn't a lot of other stuff to do before work the next day except for feed Jack and make sure that Jack knew that Aaron believed him and loved him.

* * *

David Rossi thought that he was a smart man. The relationship between Aaron and Reid had been a shock when the men had finally come out to the team just after their six month anniversary, but in the year and a half since then, Dave had admitted that the two men were perfect for each other. The age difference was a little more than society liked, but it worked for them. Reid kept Aaron acting younger than he had ever really acted and really Reid's maturity level didn't match his actual age anyway. 

However, this morning, Dave wasn't sure what happened because so far Reid had dropped off three files for Dave to give to Aaron. When it came to evaluations and such, Dave did take care of Reid's things, but when it came to files, Aaron took care of those. Dave didn't have the guts to ask Reid why he was avoiding Aaron, and really Aaron had holed himself up in his office and hadn't set foot outside of it. Maybe Aaron was just busy, and Reid didn't want to distract him. Dave believed that for a few seconds and that was about it. 

Dave waited for lunch, and when Reid ate his lunch at his desk like he hadn't done in nearly two years, Dave knew that something was really big. Dave looked from where he was standing on the catwalk above the main desks and saw that Morgan was exiting the hall where his office was. Morgan made a beeline for Reid's desk. Reid just looked up at him with a look on his face that he was tolerating his lunch being disrupted. 

"Yes?"

"So you are eating at your desk."

"Wonderful observation, Morgan. What else would like to tell me that I already know? I'm wearing a black shirt? I'm wearing glasses?" The tone was biting in a way that Dave had never heard from Reid to anyone on the team but especially to Morgan. Whatever happened had Reid acting out of character. Morgan looked at JJ who was getting up from her desk. She took a step toward Reid before stopping.

"You've not eaten at your desk since your relationship with Hotch started. I guess I was just wondering why you are down here, and he's up there."

"Well, since I ate lunch with him when I was in a relationship with him, the hypothesis could be made that since I am eating down here that there is no relationship anymore." Reid turned back to the book that he was reading while eating his salad. He didn't answer any more of Morgan's questions and only reacted when Morgan tried to touch him. Reid grabbed his hand and squeezed enough that Dave could see that Reid was trying to hurt him. Morgan backed off then. Everyone did. Reid was not a violent person so his acting out of character enough that no wanted to see what he would do next.

Dave though went into the lion's den and found that Aaron was eating a power bar. He didn't even want to leave his office it seemed. 

"So the kid spilled the beans."

"Thanks, Dave. I need to get to working again. Shut the door on your way out."

"You know that isn't going to fly. Especially when Garcia gets wind."

"Relationships don't always work out, and you know that better than most, don't you?" Aaron finally looked up from his paperwork to look Dave in the eye. He was going for the weak points as well. That wasn't good for the team if neither man was willing to open. It was their life, but if their life affected the team, then the team had a problem. 

"You promised that you would be open and honest with the team when you started this relationship with him, Aaron."

Aaron looked at Dave for a few seconds before he looked back down at the paperwork in front of him. He sighed and seemed to deflate in just that single breath. "He did something that I cannot forgive to Jack. He harmed him. He hit him. Jack has a black eye, and he says it's from Reid."

Dave wasn't sure what to say to that. He watched as Aaron put his armor back on and started to work again. Dave watched him for a few minutes before he left the room. Everyone was in the bullpen then, including Garcia. All of them were looking at Spencer. Dave cleared his throat and nodded up toward the round table room when Morgan looked up at him. 

It just a few minutes for all of them to shuffle into the room. No one sat down, but Dave locked one door and Morgan the other. Dave looked out at Reid sitting at his desk. Dave had never taken Reid as one to hit a kid, but Jack never lied to Aaron. It was two impossible situations that could only have a single outcome. Either Reid had hit Jack or Reid had not, and Jack lied. Both were an impossible situation for Aaron. 

"Aaron's even more tight-lipped than Reid however, I reminded Aaron that he promised to be open and honest when he started the relationship. He admitted to me that Reid did something unforgivable to Jack that he harmed him. That Reid hit Jack."

"What?" JJ asked, and she looked out at Reid. "He's wonderful with Henry. Even when I want to scream that Henry shut up with his questions, Spencer never raises his voice. He's never shown violence toward any child. Even that one about three years ago that attacked him on a case when he was arresting the kid's dad. Spence had scratches from the kid and a split lip. Spencer just let the kid vent on him until he tired himself out and Spencer could have someone take him safely. That is no way that Spence hit Jack."

"Yet," Callahan said, and she looked sick saying it. "Jack has never lied to Hotch. One of the two of them is lying. After Foyet, you've all said that Hotch is protective of Jack and even just the whisper that a significant other would harm Jack in any way shape or form would make Hotch lose it."

The door opened, and Dave froze. It was Reid. Reid walked in and dropped the next file on the table in front of Dave. 

"Spence, what happened?" JJ asked, her voice caring and soft. A mother's voice. It seemed to be what broke the hard shell that the resident genius had been wearing since he came into work that morning. 

"All I know is that I've been accused of giving Jack a black eye. Aaron refused to talk about it more and threw me out of his house. He hasn't answered any of the seventeen texts that I have sent him. Not even to tell me to stop." Reid turned on his heel and marched out of the room. He stopped just outside the door but didn't turn to look back in the room. "I've cleared my desk, Rossi. Can I take the afternoon? I think that I need a meeting."

"Sure, Reid. Take as much time as you need." Dave wasn't sure what else to answer to that. As far as Dave knew Reid had never brought up his meetings to anyone other than Aaron on the team. He had never talked about needing one, even with Prentiss's faked death. Reid shut the door and was gone. Dave looked at the team to see them unjust as much shock as him. 

"Reid would never hurt a child," Morgan said. 

"And Jack would never lie to his father," Dave said. Morgan nodded. It was an impasse. 

"What's that quote that Spence likes? Something about when removing the impossible, whatever remains no matter how weird it must be the truth. The problem is that we have two different facets of the facts and both are impossible in our eyes." JJ slumped down into a chair and wiped at her face. She looked ready to cry. Garcia looked much the same. Callahan and Morgan looked shocked. Dave felt pretty damned shocked as well. He wasn't sure who was lying. The situation was untenable. Dave was worried about the first case because things were rocky with them just in the office, much less out on a case where tensions were already high. 

* * *

Entering the bullpen a little earlier than usual, Dave stopped in his tracks as he took in what was in front of him. He had come in early because Aaron wasn't going to be there until late and Dave had agreed to come in early to be the adult in the room as it were. None of the team needed watching over, but it made them both feel better if someone was there as there were a few in the Bureau who liked to try and walk over the team, especially Reid. 

The end of the relationship between Aaron and Reid had been like a small road bump. In the office things were strange, but that was mainly because it wasn't what they were used to. However, the first case was exactly like it always was with the only difference being that Reid went to Dave with everything, sometimes Morgan but never Aaron. They both made sure that they were never in the room alone. When Reid had to talk to Aaron, he was courteous and the perfect subordinate. Even when Aaron questioned his findings or conclusions, he just explained them better. There were no raised voices, and to anyone who wasn't on the team, no one realized that something big happened. There was only a single case in LA with Detective Kim that the team had worked with twice before that even recognized anything was wrong, but he didn't question anyone on it just adjusted to the fact that the two people who were usually buddy/buddy were not anymore. Though given the fact that the last time that the team had worked with him was while Aaron had stepped down as team lead, Dave was sure that it wasn't that strange. 

Dave had not expected to be the last in. It seemed that everyone else on the team minus Aaron had decided to come in very early. The thing was that Reid had been there longer than the rest of them. His desk was clear, and there was no box beside it. He had already run his things to his car. There was just him with a travel cup of coffee and his messenger bag over his shoulder. He looked stronger than he had in a long time. Dave had never thought of him as weak, but this Spencer Reid that was standing in front of him was like stone. Maybe steel. Dave wasn't sure that he wanted to hear what was coming. 

"Where are your things?" Morgan asked. 

"As you know I get headhunted by a lot of other agencies in the Government and even other departments in the FBI. Normally, I tell them I am happy where I am, but I can't say that anymore. I love the job that I do, and when this all happened I thought that even my relationship with Aaron ending wouldn't drive me from the BAU but...I can't take the pain of it anymore. When I started to have thoughts that Dilaudid would be better than coming in and listening to the man that I love telling Rossi about what he and Jack did that weekend, I knew that I needed to do something. So when someone came around, I didn't push them off. Then everyone descended. I found a job that I like, but I have to start now, so I put in my notice with the FBI. While they process my out paperwork, I'm going to be on vacation so I can start my new job."

"Where are you going?" JJ sounded like she was near tears and Morgan wrapped his arms around her. 

"CIA. I'll be doing what we do here except I'll be doing it on criminals on a global scale."

"Desk job?" Morgan asked. 

"Some, some field work but never alone. I think I'll like it as it will be the closest what I was doing here."

"You've gotta do what's best for you, Reid," Dave said, and he stepped up to give Reid a hug. The younger man took it in stride even though it opened up the others to the fact that they needed to do it as well. Reid hugged JJ the longest. Morgan was the next longest. It was horrible to see Reid being so broken by what happened, but there was nothing that Dave could do. Until one of the two parties broke and told the truth, there were two sides to a story and no way to figure out which side was the truth. 

Reid left moments later, his gun and badge given over to Dave to take care of. It felt like Dave was saying goodbye to his own kid. He liked Reid despite how he had been at the beginning. Dave looked up to Aaron's office door and saw that there was a piece of paper taped there. He could see writing of some kind on it. Dave stepped up. He knew that Reid was too professional to leave anything open that would hurt his career or Aaron's, but Dave was curious. There were two words and Reid's initials on it. Aaron's name and the word goodbye followed by STR. That was more final than anything else that could have been on there. There was no declaration of love like there had been weeks before when Reid had told them what he knew from his point of view and his bias.

Aaron came into the office half an hour later, Jack's appointment didn't seem to take much time at all. Dave watched him walk across the bullpen, the eyes of the team that was in there following him. It showed how much Aaron was not looking at where Reid's desk was that he didn't even notice that it was empty. Aaron stopped at his office door and read the note before turning around. He looked at the empty desk and then looked at Dave. 

"He took a job with the CIA, they needed him ASAP so his last week of getting the paperwork out of the way will be worked as a vacation. I have all of his case files on my desk. I think he stayed the night to get everything cleared before he left."

"I see." Aaron looked at Dave like he was happy about that. 

Dave wondered if Aaron was just happy to not have the object of former affection gone or he was taking it as a sign that Reid was the one who was lying. Dave wasn't going to ask. 

"I'll put out the memo that we are looking for another agent," Aaron said before he opened his office door and slipped inside. 

Dave felt like maybe the BAU had just lost its heart, or perhaps it's soul. Perhaps even the glue that was holding it together. 

* * *

Aaron was nervous. There was a reason that he had Dave over to help him introduce Jack to Serena. It was nice enough outside that Aaron thought the neutral ground of a park would be best. Dave was with Jack over in a large open area. They were kicking a soccer ball back and forth to each other. Serena was smiling at Aaron as she watched Jack play. 

"He seems like a nice enough kid," Serena said as she finally sat down. She was a few minutes late, but given traffic being rerouted because of a wreck, Aaron wasn't shocked. 

"I think he'll like you." Aaron waved at Dave to get his attention. Dave tapped Jack on the shoulder, and the boy turned around to look at Aaron and Serena. Aaron had been talking about Serena for months since he had first met her about a month after ending things with Spencer. Aaron had taken things slow which were why Serena was just now finally meeting Jack. The issue with Spencer had made Aaron gun shy about having anyone meeting him. 

"Hello," Jack said as he stepped up to Serena. He held out his hand to shake hers. Serena shook back. She looked charmed by Jack and Aaron was glad of that. Aaron really wanted this to work out. He liked Serena a lot, and he really hoped that Jack did. 

"Hello, Jack. Your father tells me that you are a soccer player. I played that when I was younger. Maybe later we can play some." 

"Maybe." Jack shrugged. He looked at Aaron with a pleading look on his face. "Can I go home? Can Uncle Dave take me home?"

"Jack?" Aaron asked. 

"I just want to go home, and I don't want her around anymore."

"Jack Hotchner," Aaron turned Jack around to look at him. "You don't even know her."

"I don't care. I want her gone!" Jack looked at Serena and Aaron could see tears in his eyes. "I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" 

Serena looked at Aaron, and she seemed very unsure. 

"I guess that maybe it wasn't time," Aaron said. He looked at Dave who drew Jack away from them. 

"He's..." Serena stopped.

"As I said before things did not go well with my last significant other and I think Jack's scared."

"Aaron, he's not scared. You say that things didn't go well with your last girlfriend. I think that maybe Jack was more attached than you think he was and he doesn't like someone else stepping into her shoes."

"No. That can't be. My last significant other gave him a black eye. There is no way that Jack is attached to them." Aaron rubbed his hands over his face. If Jack didn't like Serena, there was no way that the relationship would work. Aaron sighed and dropped his hands from his face. "We can try again after Jack's calmed down."

"I know that you spend a lot of time with Jack, Aaron. He's your son, and he lost his mother, but I think that maybe you spend too much time with him."

"What?" Aaron asked. 

"He's used to having all of your attention, and you need more attention than he can give. He's not a body that can be in your bed at night to make you remember that you are not alone, that you are loved and cared for. You need a relationship outside of him and outside of your team. He needs relationships beyond you and his aunt as well. You both need more."

Aaron looked at Serena and thought about what she said. He knew deep down that she was right, but after Spencer, there was no way that he was going to just go out and find someone strange. It took time for Aaron to trust and Spencer had broken his ability to trust. 

"That's what I get for dating a psychologist isn't it?"

"Also, he looks guilty about something. I don't know if it's how he acted with me or something else. Just talk to him. I know that you love him and he needs this and so do you." Serena leaned in and kissed the side of Aaron's cheek before she got up to leave. Aaron heard his phone chime and lifted it out of his inside pocket. Dave had taken a very upset Jack home so that a scene wouldn't be made. The park that they were at was only a half a block from Aaron's house. Aaron stood up and started to walk home. He passed by the chess tables and looked at them, stopping because it reminded him of Spencer. Aaron's heart still ached at the thought of him, much like it did Haley. Aaron had lost him, but it had been Spencer's own doing unlike Aaron's as it was with Haley. 

Aaron forced himself on, and he thought about what he wanted to say to Jack when he got home. He hoped that Dave was going to stick around because Aaron wasn't sure what was going to happen and he would rather have someone around that was a neutral party. Dave was waiting on the front porch, and Aaron saw that Jack was crouched on the ground in the corner. Aaron remembered the last time that he had seen jack there like that was after a fight between him and Aaron about something. Spencer had been the neutral party then. Aaron wasn't sure why he was thinking of Spencer so much that day. 

"You know that outside of someone trying to hurt you that you are not allowed to yell at someone. Especially an adult." Aaron sat down on the chair that was beside where Jack was. Jack laid his head back against the wall behind him. 

"You just need to get Spencer back," Jack said.

It wasn't anything like what Aaron had thought would come out of Jack's mouth. Aaron was gobsmacked really. Jack had been so scared for so long after Spencer had given him the black eye that Aaron had been thinking about forcing Jack to allowed Aaron to bring charges up on him for abuse. Aaron watched as Dave pulled over a chair and sat down in front of Jack, between the two of them, Jack was trapped. 

"Jack," Dave said, and it drew Jack's eyes from Aaron to him. "Why would you want your father to get back with someone who gave you a black eye?"

Tears started in Jack's eyes then, and he couldn't hold Dave's eyes. He looked down, and his whole body slumped even more than it had been before. Aaron could just see his Adam's Apple bobbing. He reached up to rub at his nose. Aaron knew exactly what every single one of those actions was. 

"I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry. I didn't think, and I just wanted it to be you and me. I didn't think that you would just-" Jack stopped, and he lunged forward, grabbing Aaron's phone from his hand. He unlocked it and started to scroll through Aaron's contacts. He pressed a button, and when he handed the phone back, Aaron saw that it was Spencer's number. "Call Spencer and tell him that I'll do whatever he wants me to do to make it up to him. I'll go to every single weird science thing that he wants to do. I'll even eat Brussel sprouts for every single meal except for breakfast. I'll give up soccer. I just want Spencer back."

"I'm sorry Jack, but I doubt that Spencer will answer a phone call from me."

"Why? He has to for work. He always answers work calls, he's like you. The whole team answers your calls." Jack looked to be on the verge of breaking down. 

"Jack," Dave said ad his voice was low, but both Aaron and Jack turned to look at him. "Spencer hasn't been on the team in months. Spencer left the FBI not long after your father broke things off with him." 

Jack looked broken as he took in Dave's words. The tears unleashed, and Jack crashed in Aaron. Aaron dropped his phone as he hauled Jack up and into his lap. Jack was sobbing so hard that he was shaking Aaron's body. Aaron looked at Dave because this was too much. Aaron knew that he thought all of this meant and it fit so much of what was wrong with Jack. Jack had been acting guilty, not scared since that day. Aaron had seen what he wanted. It took fifteen minutes for Jack to wear himself out sobbing so much that he passed out in Aaron's arms. Dave held the doors for Aaron as he carried Jack to his room and laid him down. His clothes didn't seem to dirty, and it wasn't like Aaron couldn't just change the sheets on the bed before Jack went to sleep that night.

"How the hell did I miss this?" Aaron asked as he stepped into the kitchen where Dave had slipped away to. Dave had two bottles of water in his hand and not the scotch that he figured the man would have. 

"You saw fear. I saw fear. I still wasn't sure who was actually lying but damn I didn't see this coming."

"He's been off since that day, but I thought it was fear. I've been considering making Jack let me press charges against Spencer. I took pictures, and we went to his doctor the next day to check things out. We were pressed to make a statement to the police. I didn't because Jack begged me not to. I wanted to move on, but now I see what it was. Jack knew that his lie would never hold up weight if charges were pressed." Aaron looked at Dave as he took a bottle of water and drained half of it. "What do I do?"

"I don't know." And to Aaron, Dave did look like he didn't know what Aaron needed to do. "I don't think that I am needed here. I think that you two need to talk to get this all aired out and then figure out what you want to do as far as Reid goes."

"Spencer wants nothing to do with me, and after how I acted, I can't blame him. If I were him, I wouldn't want me to darken his doorstep again."

"He was a forgiving young man. You were his family."

"Look at what his family has done, Dave. His mother is lost to her own mental disease. His father left him with his mentally diseased mother, and I had two people telling me different things, and I believed my child. I know that as a parent I'm supposed to do that, but Spencer was right. Outside of being high or craving Dilaudid, he's never lied to me about anything like that before, and I pushed him from the job he loved, the family he had created there, and the family that we were building. He lost everything, and I lost nothing in that."

"I can't promise that it will be easy, but you know that you won't rest until you know." 

Aaron watched as Dave left and Aaron knew that he was right. He really did need to talk to Spencer and at least tell him that he was sorry. Aaron was sorry for how things ended. Aaron had been upset at the team because none of them had chosen sides. They wanted to stay neutral until more information was found on precisely who was lying and who was telling the truth. Where there was once anger about that there was only now guilt. Aaron knew that he was the wronged party in this. Aaron had looked at Spencer like he was an UnSub, letting the anger for the people that they chased to make him disbelieve every single thing that Spencer said. 

Leaving the kitchen, Aaron walked up to his bedroom. The room had been cleaned of almost all of the things that Spencer had left on purpose. Those were in a box in the basement, but there was one thing that was still out. The book along with the picture bookmark. Aaron opened the book and found the note that Aaron had written to him. Aaron knew that he would be considered a romantic but the note that was there only made him cry because he'd broke every single one of those promises. Aaron thought about the book in his office, the one that had been bought at the same time as the one he was looking at. It had been the one that Aaron was going to give Spencer when he asked him to move in. The inscription talked about the love that Aaron felt for him and the want for him never to spend another night apart. 

That broke Aaron, he dropped to his knees and cried because he hadn't done that yet. He hadn't cried about the loss of the love he thought was going to last him the rest of his life.

* * *

Dave parked his car outside of the house that JJ lived in with Will and Henry. He looked at the front yard that was full of toys. After James, Dave hadn't thought much about kids. Any that he had would have felt like replacements for the child that he lost. He wasn't looking forward to the conversation that was coming. Dave knew that JJ was still in a lot of contact with Reid because of Henry. JJ had never stopped letting Reid see his Godson and even went so far as to make sure that Aaron understood that she sent Henry with Reid on trips without her and Will with him. 

Getting ready to face the lion's den, Dave made himself get out of the car. He walked up to the door and really hoped that Reid was with her at the moment. Dave was fine telling JJ what went on, but he wasn't sure that he could face Reid. 

"Wondered when you were gonna get out of the car," Will said as he opened the door. 

"Just doing some thinking. JJ home?" Dave asked. Will waved him inside the house and shut the door.

"Yeah, Henry's across the street playing. You want me to go elsewhere?"

"No. This concerns you too." 

JJ was in the kitchen with a book out in front of her. Dave looked at it and saw that it was one of Henry's school books. JJ looked up at him and smiled.

"What's up, Rossi?" JJ asked, closing the book. 

"Well, I just came from Aaron's house. Aaron introduced Jack to his new lady friend."

"How did that go?" Will asked. He was standing at the kitchen counter looking at both of them. 

"About as well as you would expect. Except for the fact that it seems that Jack doesn't want anything to do with Serena, but he wants Reid back."

"But why would he want Spence back if Spence hit him."

"Jack wanted it to be him and his dad again, he said. So he went for what he thought was best. I don't know how he got the black eye, but I'm sure that Aaron will get that from him as soon as he's awake. Aaron did not tell him that Spencer isn't on the team because that's what Jack started to sob when I told him that Reid had not been on the team in months. Jack thinks that giving up soccer, eating Brussel sprouts for every meal except breakfast, and going to every weird science thing that Reid wants to go to will fix what happened. He said he was sorry to Aaron, but we all know that the truly injured party is Reid. Aaron's also been debating making Jack let him press charges as Jack's been acting strangely. Before today, Aaron thought it was fear that his attacker was going to come back, but now we know it's guilt. Think about what that would have done to Reid? Being brought up on child abuse charges."

"So what's Hotch going to do?" JJ looked a little pissed off. 

"I don't know what Aaron's going to do. He doesn't know how to tell Reid, and I hoped that you would. We both know that Reid talking to Aaron or Jack when he's pissed off won't be good."

"Well, Spence is out of the country for at least another week. He called and talked to Henry last night. I agree that coming from me would be best. I never believed that Spence would hit a kid. I can understand Jack doing what he did. We all know that children and teens profile as psychopaths because of their inability to look past themselves. Jack's always been a marvel little boy and so good that no one saw this coming."

"You'll tell him when he's home?"

"Yes. He's supposed to call tomorrow night to talk to Henry again, but I won't tell him while he's working."

"CIA and out of the country?" Dave asked. 

"He doesn't tell me much at all about what he does. I don't know if it's because he can't or because he doesn't want any of it getting back to Hotch. He asks about Hotch and Jack." JJ looked away from Dave and up onto the picture on the wall of Spencer holding a baby Henry the day that he was born. Dave smiled at the picture. "Spencer has wanted kids since I had Henry. He thought that Jack was his chance without having to worry about passing on his genetics. He's thought about adoption the last couple of months, but with his job, he doesn't think he would get approved, even if he had a live-in nanny to take care of the kid."

"He asks about them though." Dave felt a little hopeful on that. 

"He asks if they are in good health. I said once that Jack had the flu bug going around and Spence didn't ask anything more than that. I think this might have been the straw that broke the camel's back when it comes to Spencer and family. He's resigned himself to having Henry and soon to be born baby of mine, and that's it."

Dave didn't know what to say to that, but he knew that he wasn't going to say a single word to Aaron about it all until the two of them talked. If they ever did. Dave was pretty much betting on them never talking. 

"Spencer will forgive Jack," Will said. He stepped forward to rest his hands on JJ's shoulders. "Hotch on the other hand. He might not. Yes, Jack had never lied before but Spencer hitting a kid is very much out of the scope of him as he was. Jack lying was also out of the scope of what he was, but one of them had to be lying, and Hotch didn't even think for a second that it could be Jack. We all want to believe our kids, but even Henry has tried to get out of things by lying. The plant pot did not fall over on its own. Something did it. Something made it happen, and it wasn't the wind."

"I've never had kids, so I don't know what Aaron was going through and I can't judge that. I can't even wonder what I would do."

"It's a horrible situation. It really is. I just wanted to let you know what was going. I don't know what Aaron has planned as far as telling the rest of the team." Dave couldn't think of a single thing to say other than what he already had so he nodded at JJ and at Will before he got up and left. His thoughts were swirling.

Dave ended up driving to look out onto the river and just sat there staring. 

* * *

Aaron knew that Dave had told JJ. She had talked to him about that, but Aaron hadn't figured out how to broach the subject with the rest of the team. It was very touchy. Aaron figured that Spencer would have got in contact with Aaron one way or another. There was nothing though. Nothing in the week since Aaron had found out the truth including how Jack actually got the black eye. 

Jack had been put back into therapy and Aaron had gone to an appointment with him for that as well. Jack wasn't happy, but then neither was Aaron. It was a lot to take in for Aaron. He knew that he shouldn't be shocked that Jack was like other kids, but Aaron had hoped that given how open Aaron was about everything that Jack wouldn't have those issues. 

Looking at the paperwork for Peter Lewis, Aaron cringed because he had some more therapy than with just Jack in his future. Aaron had been released from the hospital earlier that morning after being dosed with Lewis's cocktail of drugs. Aaron had come into work to take care of the paperwork before going home. His doctor had allowed that so that there was no stress hanging over him before his four days downtime on medical leave. Dave had been tasked by the doctor to make sure he left at a reasonable hour after taking care of his job. 

Aaron was signing the last paperwork that would see Lewis in jail until his trial, which wasn't going to go badly because there was really no way to turn what the man had done on the FBI when there was a commotion in the bullpen. Aaron set down his pen and stood up to look out. He could see seven people that were not FBI in the room. Two were at the elevators, and five were walking toward Aaron's office. Aaron watched as three stopped at the steps, one going to the other set of upstairs while the other two continued on. Aaron sat back down just as the knock came to his office. 

"Enter," Aaron called out, but as he took in the first person in the door, his heart stopped. It was from Spencer. That told Aaron that it was CIA knocking on his door. Given that Spencer wasn't alone meant that it was a personal call. Aaron stood up to shake hands. The second agent with Spencer shook Aaron's hand but gave no name while Spencer just looked all business. "Agent Reid."

"Unit Chief Hotchner," Spencer said, but the tone was steady, one that Aaron knew from Spencer dealing with UnSubs. It made Aaron shiver.

"What can I do for the CIA?" Aaron asked. 

"I've brought paperwork," Spencer said as he stepped forward and handed over a pretty thick stack of papers. "That will transfer Peter Lewis to CIA custody."

"What?" Aaron asked. He looked down at the paperwork and started to read it. He sat down and waved for the other two to do it as well. Aaron read through every single page, and there was the list of cyber crimes that Aaron knew he had done but many more that Aaron had not realized that he had done, as well as a few international crimes of cyber hacking. 

"He will still be tried for his crimes of violence against you and the victims. However, he will see the inside of no less than seven other country's courts for what he has one, including Canada. CIA will be escorting him to all of them. Interpol might end up with custody in the end. All countries are going to be asking for sentences that will run consecutively. He won't see the outside before he dies except for transport. When he hacked the Department of Justice, we found his signature as when it first happened the NSA was unsure if it was international or domestic. His signature had been hunted for three years by various international agencies."

"Who gets the first crack at him?" Aaron asked.

"England. MI6 will meet us on the ground to take tentative custody, but I won't be leaving his side until all court appearances are done." Spencer crossed one leg over the other and relaxed back into his seat. "He hacked MI5 and MI6 looking for the last victim that he claimed. When he did he took out a power grid, and seven died, three of them children on respirators at home. He fried the power grid in each flat so bad that the machines themselves shorted instead of going to back up and it was night, so even the alarms didn't wake the parents."

"He has a lot to answer for."

"He does. Each country has laid down the date and time of their court dates, so the Federal court knows when to set up the first day of his trial. Since ours can take longer than others, the US is going last."

"That's fine. I'm just finishing up my report before going home for a few days so I'll file this with it and if something comes up, I am sure that someone will contact you. Are you the lead on the case?" Aaron reached into the file drawer beside him and pulled out the appropriate paperwork that he would need to fill out and sign as well as have Spencer sign it. 

"I am." Spencer looked at the man beside him and nodded. 

Aaron worked on the paperwork and signed where he needed. Lewis was still in the cell on base to make sure that he didn't get anywhere. He had been searched as well as given every scan known to man that would stop him from bringing anything into the cell with him. Aaron handed it to Spencer, watching his eyes dart over the page before he signed and gave it to the man beside him. 

"I'll get a copy for us to take with us at the holding cell," the man said as he stood up and left. He pulled the door shut behind him. 

"Thank you for making that easy. You have my personal cell number if you need anything. If you would like my work number, I can text it to yours." 

"Do you have a moment?" Aaron asked. 

"Is it work related because you made it very clear that there was nothing personal between us anymore. So for work, yes I have time."

Aaron kept his mouth shut. He could feel Spencer's hurt at everything. Aaron waved him away. This wasn't the time to go over anything personal. Aaron still has the drugs in his system, at least a little and he wanted to make sure that no one could claim him drugged. Spencer stood up and walked to the door. He stopped at the door, and Aaron hoped that Spencer would say something, anything that told Aaron that the relationship could be fixed. Spencer sighed and opened the door, leaving. The door shut with a soft snick of the tumblers falling back into place and Aaron was alone, again. 

Standing up, Aaron watched Spencer's trek through the bullpen. He stopped at JJ's desk and hugged her, a smile on his face. He talked to Callahan, Anderson, and a few others. Morgan and Garcia came down the hall at the same time. Both getting hugs and smiles. Aaron's heart ached because it wasn't until right then that Aaron really missed Spencer. There had been times at night where Aaron missed someone in bed with him. There were times that he wanted to tell Spencer something but this. The no smile, the all business, the work only made Aaron realize precisely how much he had lost and while a less man would have blamed Jack, Jack is the one that lied, it wasn't Jack's fault. 

Aaron had laid blame without checking. He understood where the team was coming from on the other side. Spencer and Jack were both known for honesty. If they were saying different things, one had to be lying. Aaron wondered how it would have gone if he had not just wholesale believed, Jack. If he had sat them both down and asked. If he had checked with the boy across the street that Aaron had found had been roughhousing with Jack, and that was how he had got the black eye. Spencer had said that Jack had been gone most of the afternoon. Aaron knew enough about bruises to know that something like that wasn't fresh. So if Jack had been telling the truth, Jack would have gone across the street after he had been given the bruise by Spencer. If Spencer was telling the truth, Jack could have only got is across the street. 

Settled back in at his desk, Aaron pulled out the journal he had been keeping on his own mental status since the truth had come out. Aaron marked down a few things to go over with the new therapist he was going to see later that afternoon. Aaron wasn't much for self flagellation, but at the moment he was. He wrote for a few minutes and closed it up and slipped it back into his briefcase. Aaron looked at the paperwork on his desk and decided that he didn't need to finish up anything else. He slid the paperwork from Spencer into the folder for the case and stood up. He slipped his suit jacket back on, slung his briefcase over his shoulder, and made his way to Dave's office. Aaron handed over the paperwork. 

"Did Spencer come to visit you?" Aaron asked. He set the folder down into Dave's inbox. 

"Reid was here? Was that was the commotion was?" Dave looked a little shocked. 

"That was what the commotion was, but I think it was more the six other CIA agents with him. Lewis is in their custody now. He is wanted internationally for seven other deaths as well as conspiracy and hacking charges. They get their pound of flesh and then we do. He's going to jail before all the countries for at least the rest of his life."

"The courts here might just tack on their sentence and have another country keep him for a long term. We won't have to pay for him, and he will be someone else's headache."

"File's in there. You can look at it or not."

"Heading home?" Dave asked. 

"I am. I've got a psych appointment at the same therapist I went to after Haley died later this afternoon. I have a lot to talk about, and it's not all related to yesterday." 

"How was he?"

"Cold, indifferent. I'm not used to seeing Spencer like that. It was a kick in the gut, and it's made me see that I still love him. I buried it under hate for a while when I thought he had hurt Jack, but I think that just made it worse. I don't even know if he knows."

"He does. JJ told me that she told him. He thanked her and had to get off the phone because he was still working. She said that he's said nothing about it since then."

"He's good at hiding things that he doesn't want to acknowledge. He's never dealt with his father, even with the case in Vegas."

"He's not going to be the first to broach the divide between the two of you. You have to decide what you want, and if he doesn't want you anymore, you'll have to live with that."

"I know." 

* * *

Jack was hyper which wasn't exactly a shock given that they had eaten pizza for lunch and pizza was always consumed with Coke according to Jack. Thankfully, the zoo wasn't that packed for a weekday afternoon where the kids were off school for a teacher day of some kind. Aaron had taken the day off to spend with Jack. Jack was watching meerkats in their natural habitat, bouncing his head up and down as they popped in and out of the burrows that were where they lived. 

Aaron had been at a session with his therapist that morning, and Jack had sat and read in the waiting room for him. Jessica had offered to watch him, but Jack promised to be good while waiting, so Aaron hadn't made him stay with her. Jack had been quiet the entire time. The only time that he had got up was to get a drink and then right near the end to use the bathroom, the receptionist had said. Aaron patted his pocket inside of his lightweight jacket. It was where he had stuffed the letter that he needed to mail to Spencer. Spencer had moved, but after a promise to JJ that Aaron would only send a single message, as part of his therapy and that JJ was more than welcome to read it if she wanted, which she declined, JJ had given Aaron Spencer's address. However, Aaron knew DC and knew that it was one of those post office boxes that had a real address instead of a PO Box for safety reasons. Aaron was kind of glad about that because it meant that he didn't have to worry about Spencer worrying about him showing up. 

The letter was the culmination of the weeks of therapy he had been going to. He had been cleared for work again, but Aaron had continued with the therapy for reasons that revolved totally around his relationship with Spencer. Aaron wasn't too proud to admit that he needed help, more help than just talking to Jessica or Dave could give him. He had been feeling a lot better over everything since he had started to talk to his therapist. 

"Spencer!" Jack yelled, and before Aaron could look at where his son had been, he was gone. Aaron looked around frantically to finally see Jack running at Spencer. Jack ran so hard into Spencer that the younger man was tipped onto his ass. Aaron took off at a jog toward them. By the time that Aaron got to the two of them, Jack was hugging Spencer like he was afraid that Spencer would run away from him, which given Spencer's want of not confronting anyone if he didn't have to, Aaron could see him running. 

"Jack," Aaron said as he reached down to lift up his son. Jack was getting big, but he wasn't that big yet. Jack though just clung tighter to Spencer's neck and didn't let go. "I'm sorry, Spencer."

Spencer said nothing but he patted Jack on the back. His face, to Aaron at least, was unreadable. Jack was uttering nonsense and trying not to cry. It was making a scene, and a security officer was heading toward them. 

"Sir, everything all right here?" the man asked. 

"Yes, it's just been a long time since Jack's seen me is all," Spencer said as he pushed himself up, Jack still attached to him, and up to his feet. Aaron kind of marveled at that. "Thank you though."

"You are welcome," the security officer said before he tipped his hat at the two of them and walked back to where he had been doing his rounds.

"Jack, you really need to let go of Spencer, please."

Jack finally did, sliding down to land on his feet. He looked at Spencer with such a look of want and love that Aaron felt a lump form in his throat. 

"Thank you for letting go, Jack," Spencer said as he straightened his clothes and brushed off his backside. "I should catch up with the group I'm with. I stopped to talk to someone."

"Please, Spencer, I'm sorry. Please." Jack grabbed Spencer's hand, and he tried to wrap his arms around Spencer's waist to hold on. Spencer dodged his hands but kept a hold of the one. Spencer led Jack over to a bench and sat him down. Aaron moved to follow, but with the glare from Spencer, Aaron stopped. Spencer wrapped an arm around Jack's shoulders and leaned over to talk to him. Jack nodded a few times and wiped at his eyes a few more times. Spencer handed over a handkerchief, and Jack rubbed at his eyes. Next was a tissue from a pocket, and Jack blew his nose. 

After ten minutes, Spencer stood up and pressed a kiss to Jack's forehead before he walked away from them. Jack was still clutching the handkerchief in his hands, but he didn't look up at Aaron as Aaron sat down beside him. Aaron wanted to chase after Spencer, but he didn't. He didn't feel like getting into anything in public, Spencer wouldn't forgive him for it either. Aaron wasn't even sure that Spencer would forgive him for what he had already done, Aaron didn't want to add to it. 

"Spencer says that being sorry isn't enough," Jack said. Jack sounded heartbroken, and there wasn't a thing that Aaron could do to lessen the pain that Jack was feeling. Aaron had seen a lot of kids who didn't learn what Jack was learning. They thought that sorry took care of everything. 

Aaron knew that it was the big point in Jack's therapy and that Jack really hadn't understood it, probably until that moment. Saying one was sorry didn't erase the pain that the action caused. Being sorry didn't mean that everything was fixed. Aaron hadn't realized that he was raising Jack that way, but Jack was usually a damned good kid. He didn't do things to hurt people, and when he did do something wrong, he was upset and did everything that he could to fix it. It had just never been something this big. 

"Sometimes, buddy, no matter how much we want to fix it, we can't make the other person accept our apologies." 

"My therapist says that it's not my fault, you and him breaking up but...if I had not done it, it wouldn't have happened."

"The blame for that rests solely on my part, Jack. We have talked about this. I could have double checked several things before just taking your word. I knew deep down inside of me that Spencer would never hit you. That would be like me hitting you, and I know that it would never happen. Spencer does better at hiding it, but he hates the cases where we have to deal with kids that are victims of violence from a parent. That day broke just more than Spencer and me. You know that. I have trouble trusting you now on things. I have that niggle at the back of my mind that wonders if you are telling the truth or not."

"I know."

That had been gone over time and again and while Jack was still hurting from it, his therapist was making him see that the only way to get Aaron to trust him again was to not lie. It was a big lesson to learn, and while it wasn't the best way for the lesson to be driven home, it wasn't like any of it could be changed. Most parents dealt with trust being broken by their kid lying about where they were not alike that changed their entire lives. Once bitten, twice shy was the saying and it was very close to what was going on in their lives at the moment. 

"Do you want to go to the aquarium?" Aaron asked because Jack liked it best of all and he could spend hours there. 

"Yes, please." 

Aaron stood up, and Jack did as well, tucking himself into Aaron's side. The aquarium was on the opposite side of where they were in the park so it would be a little hike, but it would be worth it. Aaron hoped that it didn't put a pall on their entire day of hanging out. They had tickets for a pre-season Washington Capitals game and was looking forward to that. They had been for weeks since Dave had got them for them. Dave had been very proud of himself. It was box seats, so Aaron was happy about that. He wasn't sure that he wanted the press of people around him. There would be at least one other person in the box as it was one of the ones that were bought out and then others allowed others inside. Aaron hadn't asked who owned the box, but then he didn't really care. He was just looking forward to watching a game with Jack. 

Spencer had got both of them watching hockey. It had been a shock, but not long after they had started dating, Spencer had kept talking around an event that he had tickets for and was going to be going to and that one of Jack's rescheduled soccer games had been put on that evening and that meant that Spencer couldn't go to the soccer game. It wasn't until the day of the soccer game that Aaron realized that Spencer had never actually said what he was doing. When Aaron had come back to the house to pick up something, he found Spencer in a hockey jersey as he had spent the night and hadn't left. Aaron hadn't asked that night, but he had got a promise from Spencer for him to come back to his after. 

The next day, Aaron figured out what Spencer had been watching hockey since he was a kid. William Reid hadn't liked it as a sport so hadn't cared that Spencer wanted to learn it. He had learned more at Caltech and actually got to go to several LA Kings games with other people who he went to college with. Spencer rooted for both them and the Washington Capitals since he believed in rooting for the team where he lived but had a fond attachment to the Kings. 

Jack didn't leave Aaron's side until Aaron was sitting down on a bench in front of the tank that he liked the best. It was where the small sharks were, even though the tank was huge and had several windows, the sharks rarely ever left the middle section. 

"And this-" Spencer's voice carried through the aquarium. Aaron looked around for him and saw that he was with a group of kids. Aaron's heart clenched a little at that until he saw that the kids had nametags on. Spencer had a badge hung around his neck. Aaron looked around for Jack and saw him walking towards Spencer's group. He didn't do anything but listen to Spencer talk about the fish and answer questions of the kids. 

Aaron wasn't sure if it was a group of school kids or something and it wasn't until he saw a lady enter the aquarium and talk to Spencer that he realized it wasn't school kids but foster kids. Aaron knew that lady well. He had a few dealings with her depending on cases. 

It took Spencer ten minutes to realize that Jack was in their group and it was when another kid reacted badly to a new kid being in the group. 

"It's okay, Jack, you can stay," Spencer said when one of the other ladies with the group tried to shuffle Jack away. Spencer was smiling at Jack, but after a few seconds, his eyes started to look around. "Stacy, this is Jack. Jack, this is Stacy. Stacy doesn't have a stay safe buddy, do you think you can be her buddy?"

"Yes, Spencer," Jack said, and he walked to where Spencer had pointed out Stacy. Stacy reached out and clasped Jack's hand like the others in the group were. 

"And we can always use another set of adult eyes," Spencer said as he locked eyes with Aaron. Aaron stood up from where he was sitting and walked over to the group. 

"Oh, Agent Hotchner, this is very welcome," Melinda said as she reached out to shake his hand. "That means that I can leave to deal with what I need to deal with."

"Yes, Ma'am," Aaron.

"Agent Hotchner? Do you work with Mister Spencer?" one of the kids asked. 

"No, Mister Spencer works in a different agency than me, but we used to back when Mister Spencer was FBI."

"That's so cool," another kid said. 

Spencer reigned the kids back into talking about the various sea life in the room. 

The afternoon flew by, and before Aaron knew it, the kids were being loaded onto the van that they had arrived in and Spencer was waving goodbye to them. Aaron knew that Spencer kept on looking at him, but as Spencer had been the one to appoint Aaron a chaperone without his leave, Aaron wasn't going to leave until the kids were all gone. Jack was at Spencer's side, holding his hand. 

Aaron wasn't sure what the look was that Spencer gave him when Spencer turned to face him, but he didn't know if it was a bad look or a good one. 

"Did you drive?" Spencer asked.

"I did." Aaron wasn't sure why Spencer wanted to know. 

"I did not. I came with them on their bus, but I didn't think you would mind taking me home." 

Aaron kept his face neutral even though he was thrilled that Spencer wanted Aaron to take him home. Aaron wondered if it was an olive branch or it was just Spencer assuming that Aaron's raising wouldn't allow him to deny it. Either way, it gave Aaron time with Spencer. 

"We have enough time I think to get a nice meal in before the game." 

It took Aaron's mind a few seconds to switch gears from Spencer wanting a ride to what he was talking about. 

"Game?" Aaron asked. 

"Well, Rossi asked me for two tickets to my box a few weeks ago. I didn't think anything of it as I was going to be out of town for a case but then that case was assigned to someone else, and I was asked to volunteer for this. I told Rossi about that, and I assume it's why you are here." 

Aaron had taken Dave's advice to go to the zoo that day. Aaron laughed at the manipulative bastard. 

"Your box?" Jack asked. 

"Yeah. I was debating season tickets, but a few people that I work with like to go to games on occasion and I had a nice bonus from work, so I bought a box when one went on the market. I kind of like it so I think I'll keep it." 

"That's cool." Jack was still clinging to Spencer's hand. 

"So, Jack, how do you feel about playing at the park near my apartment while your father and I talk. When we can get my hockey stuff and then stop at yours and get everything you need."

"We have that in the trunk," Aaron said with a blush. 

"Okay. Well, Jack?" Spencer asked. 

"Sure," Jack answered. 

Spencer nodded and turned to look into the zoo's parking lot. He narrowed in on Aaron's car pretty quick. Aaron followed Spencer and Jack to the car. It wasn't a long hike, but the sun was bright, and it was hot on the blacktop of the parking lot. Aaron got into the car and rolled down the windows before Jack and Spencer got in. Spencer didn't have his messenger bag on him, but that wasn't that big of a shock. 

The conversation in the car on the way to Spencer's apartment was just talking about hockey, trades that the Capitals had done as well as their draft picks and such. It was normal in a way that Aaron's life hadn't been in a while. It was deceptive though because this wasn't Aaron's life anymore and that hurt. Aaron stopped outside of Spencer's place because the way that he came in had Aaron hitting the building before the park. Spencer said nothing else as he got out and went up to his apartment. 

Fifteen minutes later, Spencer was coming down with a T-shirt that just had the Capitals logo on it and a jacket thrown over his arm. His pants were thicker than he commonly wore at that time of year, to combat the coolness of the rink. Aaron took the jacket and handed it back to Jack for him to set in their pile of coats. 

"Ready?" Aaron asked. 

"Yes." 

Aaron put the car in gear and drove the block to the park, and he found a spot near Jack's favorite area and looked at Spencer. Spencer wasn't moving to get out. 

"We are going to stay in the car Jack, so please stay close and insight," Spencer said. 

"I will." Jack ducked out of the car, and Aaron saw that he had his Kindle in hand. It had been a gift from Spencer because Jack read quickly and Aaron had been afraid of his ability to read filling up a room with books that Jack might never read again. The Kindle was perfect. 

"I figured that getting things aired out would be better than Rossi keep trying come up with something over and over again to get us in the same place. I was afraid that I'd be kidnapped and left in a room with you if I didn't."

"Dave is not one for caring about social niceties in situations like this."

"So who wants to go first?" Spencer asked. 

"Why don't you go first? We both know exactly what happened the last time that I went first."

"Yeah," Spencer said, and he sounded so defeated. No UnSub, no bully in the workplace had ever put that tone of voice in Spencer's voice. Aaron wondered if that meant that there was nothing to try and salvage here. Aaron wanted to, but if Spencer couldn't trust him again, it would all be for naught.

Spencer pushed with his legs, and his ass lifted off the seat, and he pulled something out of his pants pocket. It was a slim box that Aaron was unsure what it was, but Spencer set it down on the dashboard and waved his hand at it. 

Aaron picked up the box and heard nothing. It was light but felt sturdy. It was only about an inch square and the depth was about half an inch. It was too small for a ring box so Aaron was really lost on what it could be. 

"I had those picked out for months, I had a plan, and I was going to ask Jack to help me." Spencer stopped as Aaron didn't open the box. Spencer looked away and out the car window, looking at where Jack was. "I think that Jack did that to get rid of me hurt worse than the fact that you would believe that I would hurt a child. I have never raised my voice at Jack in anger, fear yes when he's nearly fallen off of things but never in anger. There was nothing that I had ever done around Jack or around you in the years we have known each other that would give you the thought that I would ever harm a child like that. I told you, the day that we realized that the relationship was turning more intimate that once I, was in Jack's life, there was nothing that would ever take me from it."

Spencer laughed, it was a self-deprecating little thing, and Aaron understood its meaning without Spencer saying a single thing. 

"I guess I wasn't thinking well enough. I didn't see that coming, and I blame that on me. I think I was too focused on being a good parental figure to Jack that I didn't realize that he didn't want that." Spencer rubbed his hand on his leg like he was trying to rub sweat off of his hands. Aaron didn't like that Spencer wasn't looking at him, but he wouldn't force him to. It looked like he was still looking at Jack. "I guess I wanted it too much. I was too focused." Spencer sighed and finally turned to look at Aaron. "But when I saw the hatred in your eyes that day. I knew that something was wrong as soon as you entered the room because of your eyes. You looked at me like you hated me. You looked at me like you look at UnSubs and I sat there and tried to figure out what I had done. I did my best, and once again in my life, it wasn't enough. I'm never enough for anyone." 

"Spencer, no." Aaron felt tears choking him. He tried to speak, but the words were caught in his throat. Spencer just glared at him, and Aaron closed his mouth. 

"So I made the decision that I would wait it out. It would come out or it wouldn't that Jack had lied. He's too good of a boy to lie to you long term. I'm sure that it ate him up after the relationship ended and for a while, I felt like it was a good enough punishment. He would have to live with what he did. He's a child, but his actions had far-reaching consequences. JJ told me that she heard you talking to Dave about possibly bringing me up on charges. It would be horrific, and the consequences were unknown, but when I got hired on at the CIA, I told them the exact truth. I told them why I was leaving, and I told them the lie that Jack had told. My direct supervisor wanted to know why Jack would lie like that, and the only thing that I could figure out was that he was jealous. That he had a thought after getting the black eye at his friend's and then it just grew, and he wasn't thinking except for he knew that you would never allow someone in Jack's life that would hurt him."

"He was right," Aaron said. 

"Yeah, I know. I always knew that I would take the third seat in your life. Jack and the job came first. I knew that going in and yet I never saw that coming. There were two sides to that, and despite what you know about the job, what the job has taught you, you took the first side to speak as the truth, despite knowing dangers of that. You had two people who when in their right mind have never lied to you. Why?"

"Because I was stupid," Aaron said. 

Spencer snorted. 

"No, I was. Jack told me that you hit him and while he didn't expand on it and I didn't question him about any of it. I reacted in anger and even with my childhood teaching me why that is a bad thing, I still did it. I clung to that anger, to the thought that you would hurt my child and I let it consume me. I let it hurt me. I let it hurt you, and without Jack knowing it my anger hurt him." Aaron laid his head back against the headrest, and he looked up at the ceiling of the car. "After that day, Jack was acting off, but I let the anger cloud even that. What I took as hurt and fear was shame. Jessica tried to talk to me about it that he wasn't acting right, wasn't acting afraid, not that way. I didn't care. I had saved Jack and saved myself. Then you left and I took it as an assumption of guilt."

"When did he tell you?"

"I was seeing a lady, it wasn't going where I thought, and I thought that maybe it was the fact that I hadn't let her be around Jack, that I was hurting what we were building. So we met at a park. Dave was there, and Jack didn't like her. He wanted you. He wanted me to just get you back. I was a little slow on the uptake, but Dave wasn't. He asked why Jack would want someone who had hit him around, and Jack finally told the truth. He begged for me to call you and tell you that he was sorry that he would do anything that you wanted to know that he was sorry. At that point, I hadn't said your name in months. It was like you were verboten. He didn't ask, I didn't tell. Not even when you left the team. Jack begged me to call because you would never not answer, a call from me because of the job. He was devastated when he realized exactly what his lie had done. Jessica made sure that we were in counseling as soon as she found out. She was pissed at me. She was very disappointed by Jack but what I did paled on that."

"She's never reached out to me, but then I didn't either."

"She told me that she was upset with herself. She hadn't thought that Jack was lying but the fact that she didn't think you would ever hit a child. I think she made herself believe that you two had been playing and you elbowed him. She asked that when I told her and I said that no Jack said you had hit him."

"My confidence in you as a boss was shaken. I didn't trust that you would act with my best interest came into play when we were on a case. I was afraid of what would happen if we were stuck in a hospital ER with a gun-toting madman happened, and you only had to trust that I could make that shot. I didn't see it playing that way again, so I left. I couldn't stay in the FBI, not after that. It was a clean break, and it was best." 

"I'm sorry. I don't think that I can ever say that enough. I don't think I can ever say enough to really show you that I am sorry for what happened." 

"I don't know how to go forward." 

Aaron looked at Spencer to see that he was looking at Jack again. His head wasn't turned all the way away from Aaron though. He was looking at jack with such longing on his face. 

"I don't know how to get rid of the anger that lives inside of me when I think of what I lost," Spencer whispered. 

"Dave said that you went to at least one meeting."

"I went to every single one that I could if I was awake. Beltway and a few other new places. Every single time that the pain came back and the thought that anything would be better than that pain. I visited Alex one weekend when we had a break in cases. She knew that something was wrong. I think she almost came back to give you a piece of her mind, but I made her promise not to because watching her and James showed me one thing. There was obviously something lacking in our relationship if you flat out believed that I hit Jack and didn't even question it. If you believed that of me, I didn't think you would ever see me as anything approaching a partner in her relationship. I almost threw the rings away, but I never did."

"Rings?" Aaron asked, and Spencer answered by waving his hand at the box that was still in Aaron's hand. Aaron opened it up and saw two platinum bands inside. There was writing on the inside. Aaron picked up one and read it. He couldn't read it. "What does it say?"

"You have my heart, and I have no more to give," Spencer said. 

Aaron remembered the night that he had said it. He had wanted Spencer to understand that he was it. Aaron had forgotten that, but it had been driven home by the fact that they were where they were at the moment. 

"I didn't think anything of it because I knew from Haley that you were a romantic, but I believed it. I believed it so much that I gave you all that I was, Aaron Hotchner. When you threw me away from your life, I had to pick the pieces and create Spencer Reid again from nothing. I am not the same man that I was before, and I don't think I can ever be that Spencer Reid that loved you again. I don't know, and I don't even want to know if I want to try. I have missed your friendship. I've missed Jack. I just don't think I can do more than be friends, Aaron."

"I understand." It was the worst news that Aaron could have got, but he understood it. Much like Jack learning that his consequences, Aaron was learning something that his father's anger should have taught him. There was no going back. 

"I can understand though if you want all or nothing. We can part ways right now. I can grab my car and go to the game and sit in the box next to mine. I'm pretty good friends with the guy who has it, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind. I don't want to ruin your night, and I think that you and Jack need this night for the relationship between the two of you." Spencer turned in his seat, and he rubbed at his knees again. He was looking Aaron in the eye, but he was nervous. Aaron could read that over the whole of his body. 

"No, no. Jack knows that we are planning on going to the game together and I would rather not disappoint him. I can take friendship, Spencer. I'll take whatever you can give me and be happy with it." 

Aaron smiled at Spencer, and for the first time, he felt like there was maybe a silver lining to his life. He was truthful that he would take whatever Spencer could give him. If friendship were all that he could have from Spencer, he would take it because then at least Spencer was in his life. 

# Months Later

Aaron got out of his car and looked around the neighborhood. He saw Morgan standing at the edge of a park with his cell phone in hand. It looked like he was texting or waiting on one, Aaron wasn't sure. Just beyond Morgan was Spencer, sitting on a swing. Aaron walked with determination toward where the two of them were. 

"Thanks," Aaron whispered as he stepped up to Morgan. 

"You are welcome. I don't know what happened. He just showed up here. Savannah saw him when she ran a bag of trash out. I know we are knee deep in the assassins and the fallout at the moment but...It's Reid, and even I can tell he's hurting. He came here for a reason, but I can't get him the way that you do." Morgan sounded a little upset at that, but Aaron understood that Morgan was putting aside what he wanted and was focusing on what he thought Spencer needed. 

Aaron nodded and took a few steps toward Spencer. 

"Spencer?" Aaron called out. 

Spencer just slumped down on the swing more and stopped the gentle rocking that he was doing. Stopping, Aaron watched him for a few seconds. Spencer didn't move, he didn't even seem to be breathing. Aaron took a few more steps, and Spencer held out his hand to Aaron. There was a sheet of paper on it. Aaron stepped up enough to take the paper and started to read it, turning to where the meager light of the street lamp allowed him to read it. 

It was from Diana Reid. It took two sentences for Aaron to realize it was a suicide note. Aaron's hands started to clench, but he stopped them. He didn't want to damage the letter in any way. Aaron finished reading it, and he wanted to wrap his arms around Spencer and hold him, but they weren't there yet. Spencer barely allowed touches on his shoulder when he was around to be with Jack. Aaron had learned that the hard way, Spencer was there for Jack first and Aaron second. It hurt more than Aaron had thought possible, but Aaron understood. There was still this huge gap between them. 

"Why?" Aaron asked, and he knew that Spencer would how exactly what he was asking. 

"Mom's always known who she was and in some ways, she always knew who I was. She might not have connected me with her son, but she knew that she knew me in some way shape or form. I went to visit her a month ago and when I walked into the room. She didn't know me. There was nothing. I talked to her doctor, and they started testing. Early Onset Alzheimer's. That's what she meant by not knowing herself anymore."

Aaron knew that it wasn't the death of his mother that was bothering him. It was the words in the letter that stated that she would rather be dead than to never know her son again. To know that she hurt him like that. Yet, the hurt that she did was more than that. Aaron could see her doing it though. She loved Spencer more than anything in the world. Including it seemed her life. 

"What do you need?"

"I don't know. I went to a meeting and then started to walk, and I ended up here. I got drained and thought about making myself go farther but I couldn't."

"Where were you headed?" Aaron really hoped that it was his place. Aaron knew where Spencer went to meetings at, and Morgan's was between there and Aaron's house. 

"I don't know." Spencer was lying but not so much to Aaron as to himself. 

Aaron walked the rest of the way to Spencer and wrapped his hand around Spencer's arm to help him up. Spencer didn't fight Aaron lifting him up. Aaron looked and found Morgan had walked back to his yard and was on his porch, watching from a discrete distance. Spencer didn't' even look for him. 

"Do you want to go to Morgan's? JJ's? Mine?" Aaron asked. He hoped that it was the last one, but he would do either of the the two to make Spencer happy. 

"I want Jack," Spencer said, and the ache in his voice was all that Aaron needed to hear to know that Spencer was hanging by a thread. 

"Then Jack you'll get." 

Aaron would text Morgan so that the man didn't worry but only after he got Spencer to sleep. Aaron guided Spencer into the passenger seat of the car and buckled him in. Aaron's phone started to ring as he sat down. 

"Aaron, tell me that you have Reid," Dave said before Aaron could even say hello. 

"Why?"

"Because his boss at the CIA has been trying to get ahold of him for hours. He called and left a voicemail on his office phone that his mother had died and that he needed time. Since then no one has been able to get ahold of him. His phone is in his apartment, and the last place that he was tracked to was Beltway Clean Cops. From there he was lost. That was hours ago. Spencer's boss hoped that someone on the team had him. JJ hasn't heard from him."

"He walked to Morgan's, and I have him here in my car. He wants Jack."

"The way that Reid's boss talked...it wasn't normal was it?"

"No. She got sicker."

"Suicide," Dave said. 

Aaron hadn't wanted to say the words, so he was glad that Dave understood what he had said. 

"I'll spread the word among the team that they need to back off until he reaches out."

"I'll have Morgan go to his place and get his phone and things that he needs in the morning. Did he say a time?"

"Reid's to return to work when he thinks he can. I'll give him your number so he can check without instead of me as a middle person."

"Thanks, Dave." Aaron hung up the phone and looked at Spencer. 

Spencer was sitting with his feet on the seat, and his legs tucked to his chest. He looked younger than his thirty-four years when he was like that. Aaron didn't know what comfort that he should give Spencer. He didn't know what was crossing the line so instead of touching, Aaron started the car and drove them away. 

There was no talking as the trip progressed and Aaron was glad that traffic was light and the trip took a short amount of time. He didn't feel like breaking the silence that Spencer had around him. Jessica met them in the garage, and she had a cup of hot chocolate in hand. Aaron raised his eyebrow at her when she opened Spencer's car door to press the cup into his hand. 

"Dave called." 

Spencer took the cup and sipped at it. His face scrunched up, and he looked at Jessica. 

"Did I put too much?" Jessica asked. 

"No," Spencer croaked. 

"Let's get you upstairs." Jessica waited until Spencer had drunk about half of his cup of laced hot chocolate before she tugged him out of the car. Spencer went willingly but kept looking back at Aaron. 

"Aaron?" Spencer called out when it seemed that Aaron wasn't going to follow them. 

"I'll be right behind you. I need to make a phone call first." Aaron regretted the words as soon as he said them, but he couldn't take them back. Spencer was looking at Aaron like he had been kicked when he was down, and it broke Aaron's heart. He did need to get a hold of Morgan to see about him getting Spencer's things. Even the lure of Spencer calling Aaron by his name instead of Hotch wasn't lost on him. He just didn't know what to do with it. 

"Okay." 

The conversation with Morgan took just a few moments, and Morgan said that he did have a key to Spencer's place as he had helped him with a few things recently. Aaron texted JJ after that and promised her an update on Spencer as soon as Aaron was sure that there was anything to update. Aaron also asked her to be the one to spread information to everyone because he didn't want to deal with a lot of calls. When Aaron was sure that he had everything handled, he went inside to find Jessica sitting at the table with a glass of scotch in her hand. 

"He drank the hot chocolate that I put more than a helping of your good scotch into. He didn't want to go to bed, so he's sitting in the chair that you sit in to watch Jack sleep. I figure that at some point you can rouse him from it and force him into bed. Do you want me to stay the night?"

Aaron looked pointedly at the glass in her hand. 

"This is for you. I took a sip, and that was it." Jessica stood up and handed the glass over. Aaron downed it before walking to the sink to wash out the glass. "I think that maybe Spencer needs you and Jack and that's it. So why don't I head home and then you can call if you need me. I'll run to the store, do whatever you need. You focus on him. I can't...I can't imagine losing a parent that way."

"He's lost her in so many small ways over the years, Jessica. Her schizophrenia taking her bit by bit but this...I never thought that she would take her life. She was still so strong when Spencer flew her here that second year on the team when we were targeted by the Fisher King. I never thought that she would take her life, but then I'm not in her shoes." Aaron knew that it was a touchy subject with Jessica given what her father was going through, but there was no way to talk about the issue at the moment. 

"Dad's too stubborn to take his own life. I think that he delights a little in causing me issues. He has never liked how close I stayed with you, even though that means that he gets to see Jack more than most grandparents do in situations like this. Try and get some sleep, Aaron. We can figure everything out in the morning." Jessica kissed Aaron's cheek and then she let herself out of the house. Aaron grabbed two bottles of water from the case in the cabinet beside the fridge, and he walked up the stairs to find Spencer. 

Spencer was still where Jessica said he would be. In the chair in the corner that Jack liked to read or draw in but also that Aaron liked to sit in sometimes to watch Jack breathe after cases. Spencer looked up at Aaron had he looked wrecked. He looked like he was broken and Aaron didn't know what to do to put him back together. Aaron wasn't sure that he could put Spencer back together again. Spencer had done it once before in the aftermath of Aaron's worst decision ever, but Aaron wasn't sure that Spencer could do it again. 

"If you need me, Spencer," Aaron whispered. "I'll be in my bedroom." 

Spencer only blinked at Aaron, but still, Aaron knew that Spencer had heard him. Aaron was torn because he didn't want to intrude if he wasn't wanted, but he wanted to be there for Spencer. Spencer had said nothing about wanting Aaron. Only wanting Jack. 

Aaron got ready for bed, taking a shower to mask the tears that fell down his face for Spencer. Aaron used to know what to do in an instance like they were in at the moment. That was long past, and Aaron was less sure of himself than he had ever been in his life. The bedroom was dark when Aaron exited his bathroom, and he paused because he couldn't actually remember if he left the light on or not. Sometimes he did and sometimes he didn't. There was a chair in the corner of the room that Aaron had debated throwing out months before because it had been bought for Spencer to use. To read in. It got the morning sun perfectly, and those few mornings where Spencer stayed over and woke up first, Spencer was almost always reading in the chair. Aaron didn't know what made him look over at it, but he saw the vague outline of Spencer in the chair. 

"Make it stop hurting," Spencer whispered as Aaron stepped over to him. Aaron knew that there was nothing that he could do that would stop the pain, but he could help Spencer manage it some. Aaron found Spencer's hands in the dark and pulled him off of the chair. Spencer didn't fight Aaron, and that was more telling of Spencer's mental status than anything else at the moment. Aaron led Spencer over to the bed and set him down on it. Spencer didn't protest as Aaron stripped him down to his underwear before getting him under the covers. Aaron wrapped himself around Spencer tightly, holding him so that he knew that he wasn't alone. 

Aaron uttered nonsense sounds to Spencer, just to make sure that Spencer was sure that Aaron was there if the hold on him wasn't enough. Aaron didn't remember falling asleep, but he did. 

* * *

Aaron woke up to darkness all around him. He looked and could see that there was a small sliver of light by the window in the bedroom. The blackout curtains that Spencer had bought so long before were not pulled all the way. It wasn't off by that much. It took a few seconds for Aaron to realize though that something else wasn't right. He felt something that wasn't a blanket on top of him. He reached out and found that it was Spencer who was sitting on his hips. Spencer didn't have his glasses on his face and the way that he was looking down at Aaron, he didn't have his contacts either. Aaron had forgotten about that.

"Spencer?" 

Spencer said nothing just stared down at Aaron. Aaron stared back. It was several minutes before Spencer moved. He tipped himself forward, and he fell down to where he was face to face with Aaron, his arms braced to hold him up. 

"Do you love me?" Spencer asked. His tone was husky and full of emotion. It sent shivers down Aaron's spine because it was so damned close to how Spencer had asked it the first time. There was just enough light coming in from the crack in the curtain that Aaron could see Spencer's face well enough to see the emotion there. 

"Yes." Aaron wanted to ask if Spencer loved him, but he was scared of the answer. Either direction that it went. 

"Prove it." 

Aaron finally moved, grabbing Spencer's head and pulling it down to kiss him. Aaron wrapped his other arm around Spencer's waist and flipped them in the bed. If Spencer wanted a replay of that night, Aaron would give it to him. Show Spencer that he was loved and needed. Aaron reached down to find that Spencer was already naked. Aaron shoved off his clothes before settling back on top of Spencer. Aaron pressed his lips to Spencer's and took the moan that Spencer gave him. It was thrilling, finding that touching the same spots as before had the same effect. 

Spencer came with a shudder before Aaron had even pulled his fingers from inside of him. Aaron remembered well what had happened that first time, he had done it then as well, so Aaron pushed inside of him. To Aaron, it felt like coming home. He leaned down to press a kiss over Spencer's heart as he tried not to come himself. Spencer wrapped his legs around Aaron's body and kicked him in the ass with his heels to get Aaron to move. 

Aaron whispered words of his love across Spencer's skin, into Spencer's mouth, and showed him with his body precisely what he was feeling. Aaron didn't give Spencer time to think, time to do anything but take the thrusting cock inside of him. 

Spencer came again with a cry and Aaron was so glad that he stopped forcing himself not to come as well. It was near instantaneous after Spencer's. Aaron was loathed to leave the bed even to clean up. He was afraid that Spencer would slip out before Aaron could come back. Aaron nudged Spencer onto his side before he wrapped his arms around him. Spencer wasn't crying, but he wasn't talking either. He was just existing there in Aaron's arms. 

It was an hour later before Aaron felt like he could get up. Spencer was asleep and had been for half an hour. Aaron cleaned himself up before cleaning up Spencer. Turning Spencer's arm over, Aaron saw marks on his elbow. At first, Aaron thought that it was track marks from a needle until he realized that it wasn't. It was scratch marks. A lot of them. Spencer had been digging at his elbows. Aaron checked the other and found the same thing there. It looked like it was much more than just what had been going on with his mother. There were a few that had scarred that seemed to be a lot older. Aaron kissed the marks before washing them to make sure that none were fresh. 

Aaron wrapped himself around Spencer, both of them naked, and he held him through the night. 

* * *

Aaron woke up to an empty bed. He had to think for a few minutes why that was bad before he remembered that he had not gone to bed alone the night before. Aaron looked around and saw that Spencer's clothes were still where they had been. That didn't mean anything though as he might have just considered them a loss and grabbed something of Aaron's to wear. Aaron made himself get up and get dressed to face the fact that he was alone, again. Aaron couldn't hate Spencer for it. Aaron brought that on himself. He had reacted without all of the facts, and if he were alone for the rest of his days, it would always be his fault. 

The smell of coffee wasn't that odd. Aaron had a pot that made some on a timer so that he could have a cup ready for when he got out of the shower. Aaron stopped into the bathroom to look at himself. His hair was mussed but not too bad, and his face showed signs of little sleep. Still, he looked like himself. 

Jack's bedroom was empty, but given that it was after nine in the morning, Aaron wasn't shocked about that either. He went downstairs, and that was when the smell of Spencer's pancakes hit him. Aaron rushed into the kitchen to find Spencer at the stove cooking while Jack was sitting a distance enough away from the stove on the counter to where Spencer wouldn't freak out that Jack would get spattered. It was that instant right there that drove home how fucking stupid it was to believe that Spencer would ever hit Jack. Spencer didn't like Jack sitting close to the stove when he was cooking with grease. He had given Jack many lessons in the kitchen, most of them before Aaron had ever kissed Spencer the first time, on safety in the kitchen before he allowed Jack to help him. Aaron had never thought of a lot of them but things like touching a counter before it was wiped after raw foods were prepped there and even if they had been wiped up if the counter hadn't been sanitized with bleach after. 

Hindsight was twenty-twenty, and Aaron knew that. He had known that. At the time he thought that Jack would never lie to him. He had too much trust in his son, which up until that point hadn't been misplaced but then Aaron's trust in Spencer had never been misplaced either. Aaron wasn't sure what he would do if he were given a chance to repeat it unless he knew then what he knew now, he would probably do the same damned thing. 

"Good morning, Dad," Jack said with a smile on his face. It was the first true smile that Aaron had seen on Jack's face since that damned day. Even the last little while after the hockey game, Jack hadn't smiled like that. "Spencer's making pancakes."

"I see that." Aaron walked into the kitchen fully, walking up behind Spencer carefully wrapping his arms around him to give him a behind the back hug. Spencer didn't stiffen, he didn't pull away. He did reach up with his free hand and wrap his it around Aaron's linked arms. Aaron felt like he was going to cry. "Good morning, Spencer."

"Morning, Aaron," Spencer said. Spencer flipped a pancake in the pan before setting the turner down and wiggling in Aaron's arms. Aaron let him go and was about to step back when Spencer turned around and wrapped his arms around Aaron's neck to pull him into a kiss. Aaron grabbed Spencer by the hips and held him there to keep him right where he could kiss Aaron. 

"I've missed you," Aaron said, his voice words getting stuck in his throat because of the emotion he was feeling at just a simple kiss from Spencer. 

"I've missed you as well. I can't...I can't be what we were before, but I want to try again. My trust is still pretty shakey but I can't...I refuse to be alone anymore because I am scared that you are going to hurt me again. I've tried dating and I just...I keep comparing them to you, and they fall short."

"I'll take whatever, Spencer, because I have regretted everything. Everything that I said that day and everything that I did. I'll make it up to you."

"Don't," Spencer aid shaking his head. He let his arms fall to where they were cupping the sides of Aaron's face. "You can't put me first, you have to put us first. Are we going to fight? Yes, our last try at a relationship showed that. We never had issues talking it out though. I'm not going to keep on harping on the fact that you did what you did. We have talked that to death. We don't need to keep on doing. You don't need to look at me like a kicked puppy or afraid that I'm going to leave."

"Don't be upset if I do for a little while," Aaron said. 

"I won't. We will both have an adjustment period. We need to learn how to be around each other again as lovers. If I don't stay the night, it's because I don't want to, not because I don't want to sleep in bed with you."

"I know," Aaron remembered that one from the last time. Spencer wanted space sometimes, and Aaron knew that he had got to where space meant going into Aaron's office and reading or into the bedroom and reading, but it had taken a long time for him to get like that. Aaron had pushed on that some, but he wasn't going to do that this time unless Spencer seemed like he was unsure of what he was allowed to do. Aaron would make Spencer understand that there wasn't anything that he couldn't do. 

Aaron reached up and brushed at the skin under Spencer's eyes. Where there were dark circles from not enough sleep the night before as well as probably worrying about his mother. 

"I'm here for whatever you need, Spencer." 

Aaron felt Spencer bump into him and then there was the sound of the stove clicking off. Aaron peeked around Spencer and saw that Jack had turned off the stove and was putting the last pancake on the plate that was at the back of the stove where it stayed warm when the oven was on. 

"I'm hungry."

Spencer laughed, and he leaned forward, resting his head on Aaron's shoulder. "I want a little peace before we start to think about what I have to do in Vegas. I'll have to go out there."

"I can go with you or Jack, and I can go. Whatever you want. Or you can go alone." Aaron didn't want Spencer to think that he had to take Aaron with him. Spencer leaned in and brushed a kiss so soft over Aaron's lips that it almost made him cry. Aaron pulled Spencer into a full hug that lasted a little longer than it probably should, but the only thing that they had to do was eat breakfast.

"Pancakes are getting cold," Jack said with a bored tone in his voice. 

Aaron let go of Spencer. He turned around to look and saw that Jack had set the table, filled their glasses, and had the pancakes and syrup as well as bacon on the table. The spot that Spencer used to sit had a cup of coffee sitting beside it. Jack was looking at Spencer with such a look of love on his face. 

"Thank you, Jack," Spencer said as he sat down in his spot. Aaron sat down in his spot as well. Jack picked up the first pancake from the stack and laid it on Spencer's plate before he got one for himself. Aaron stuck his tongue at Jack when Jack didn't get one for him. 

"Why are we possibly going to Vegas?" Jack asked. 

"I have some family things to take care of. If you don't want to go, I can do alone."

"No, no!" Jack said he smiled as Spencer. "I want to go. Last time before..." Jack trailed off. "The last time that I know you went to Vegas I tried to get Dad to let me go."

"Well, this isn't going to be a fun trip, Jack." Aaron didn't want Jack to get excited.

"Why not?" Spencer asked. 

Aaron looked at Spencer in a little bit of a shock. How the hell was going to Vegas to bury his mother going to be fun?

"We can visit a few places that I went to as a kid and maybe even stop over at Caltech. We can fly out of LA. Jack's wanted to go to Caltech for a long time. See the school I went to. All I have to do is pick up the ashes."

"Ashes?" Jack asked, and he looked at Spencer a little upset. 

"I forgot that you went to bed last night. My mom died a few days ago, and I have to go and take care of things."

Aaron wondered at the days. The letter had come in the mail. He assumed that Spencer had got the letter overnight, but it seemed that it wasn't what had happened. 

"Bennington was able to take care of everything as she always has her wishes and wants on file there. No one had to claim the body. I got the text from Doctor Norman that the ashes are ready to be spread in the garden there. A lot of residents like to do that. There is one that mom always watched. I want to be there for that, but she didn't want a big to do about her death. She wanted to be spread in the garden she loved and for me to be happy."

Jack got up out of his chair and walked around the table to wrap his arms around Spencer in a hug. Spencer dropped his fork and wrapped his arms back around Jack. Aaron watched as Spencer took comfort from a boy who had lost his mother way too soon as well. All of them had, but it was different because those two actually liked their mothers. 

"Can I sit in your lap and finish eating?" Jack asked.

"Sure. Don't drip syrup on me." Spencer smiled as he said the words. 

Things weren't going to be good in Spencer's life for a while, but with Aaron, Jack, and the rest of Spencer's friends there to help support him, he would move on in time. Everything was all right with Aaron's work either, but with Spencer there and willing to try and work through things, the future was a lot brighter than Aaron thought it would be.

# The End

**Author's Note:**

> I write fanfiction for fun. It's a hobby and a stress relief. I refuse to stress over my writing. What you see is what you get. Errors, plot holes, and all. Thank you for reading my story! 
> 
> I can be found on MeWe (a FB replacement that's better) [here](https://mewe.com/i/beccaqueen1), join me there and we can discuss my fics and whatnot. My writing page for the moment is kind of dead in the water on a FB front as links are being banned for content. 
> 
> The Every Fandom Reverse Bang sign-ups are open! Please check it out [here](https://everyfandombangs.wordpress.com/).


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